Yoga of the Heart

Chapter 6: Ethic #3 - Nonstealing: Don't Steal from Yourself or Others

When I refer to stealing In this chapter, I do not mean the most obvious type of stealing, that of material things, but rather the stealing of more nebulous commodities such as time, attention, power, and confidence. I will be discussing both how we steal from others and, more importantly, how we steal from ourselves.

What causes the urge to steal in the first place? People feel the need to steal only when they feel lacking in some way. They feel they are not complete, and so they take from someone else in order to try to become complete.

Stealing from yourself manifests primarily in lack of concentration. As your thought becomes more and more fractured, you will not be able to reach your goals, so you will never be able to become the person you want to be. You have stolen the strength that will help you reach your goal.

For instance, you decide to go on a diet. Your goal is represented by your fantasy of how you want to look. If you are unable to keep up the self-discipline to stay on the diet plan, you would be stealing from yourself; your self-sabotage steals the satisfaction of reaching your goal. Practicing the ethic of Nonstealing (Asteya in Sanskrit) helps you remain focused on who you are and what you are doing in your life.

When you practice Nonstealing, you develop the knowledge that you already have everything you need or want within yourself. You recognize that although your physical body may feel lacking at times, if you can turn to the spiritual body for what you need, your needs will always be supplied from within yourself. The only way to obtain this complete feeling in yourself is to connect your physical and spiritual bodies by ethical practice. Once you realize you can depend on your spiritual body to supply all your needs, there is no further compulsion to steal.

Desire is an important aspect of this discussion about stealing, because both desire and stealing reflect a feeling of separateness. When you desire something that you think you do not have, you are feeling separate from that thing, and from that desire springs the urge to steal. If you feel a compulsion to have or do a particular thing, try to stop and tell yourself: "By answering this desire, am I stealing? I don’t need to steal. I have everything within myself." This constant questioning can help you through many situations. I will talk more about desire later in this chapter.

HOW TO START PRACTICING NONSTEALING

1. Learn from the story of Sisyphus. After causing offense to the gods, Sisyphus was sentenced to continually roll a rock to the top of a hill with tremendous effort, after which the rock would immediately roll back to the bottom and he would have to start all over again. He was cursed in believing that he had to do it. He never stopped to figure out why he thought he had to do it. His mental conversation told him to do it and he never changed that inner conversation.

How many things do you do because you think you must do them? This is clearly a case of stealing from yourself by holding on to a belief system that is false. The story of Sisyphus describes a human being whose false ego is operating. Sisyphus says, "I have to roll this rock up the hill." What would happen if he didn’t believe this? He would be free from the curse. Similarly, the false ego believes that success means physical fulfillment of an unending stream of desires. You’ve got to do this, you’ve got to have that, or you’re never going to make it. This is exactly the curse that Sisyphus carried: "I have to do it." This puts all the responsibility on the physical body.

What if that were not true? When you feel the compulsion to do something, try to observe the false ego operating in your physical body. If you can do this, an alternative from your spiritual body will appear almost immediately. It is similar to consulting a well-respected doctor for a second opinion about a medical condition. By waiting for the spiritual body to speak, you realize that you have another choice.

Put this idea into action the next time you notice yourself saying, "I have to do this." First quiet yourself. Then ask yourself, "What would happen if I did not do this?" Then listen for the voice of your spiritual body, which will offer an alternative.

2. Practice small deprivations. Try taking something small away from yourself and experience a good result from it; for example, give up desserts for a week and perhaps you will notice an improvement in how you look and feel. Or give up that third cup of coffee and maybe you will gain a greater feeling of relaxation.

By "stealing" something inconsequential from yourself, you will find that it is replaced immediately. In the simple examples above, the replacements were new emotional confidence and the ability to relax. Continuing this type of investigative play will help demonstrate to you that you do not need to steal at any time. Practicing being in need of some small thing and learning that you do not have to steal to fill that need shows you that your needs are answered from within yourself by your spiritual body. When you take something away from yourself, watch very closely to see what is supplied in its place. As the saying goes, Nature abhors a vacuum.

3. Observe your inner conversation. Ultimate stealing from yourself is unchecked mental conversation. Oftentimes, as you become focused on a thought, something else will arise in your mind to steal your attention. This constant stealing prevents full concentration. A person who has lost concentration has trouble completing any task, and so the fluctuation of concentration can be seen as a type of self-torture, a self-destructive attitude that often goes unnoticed.

Stealing, then, in the ultimate sense, is a common state functioning heartily in yourself against yourself. Take a moment to answer these questions: What am I stealing from myself? What am I allowing my thought patterns to steal from me? What am I stealing from my life by my thoughts?

Practicing the ethic of Nonstealing helps you escape from being blown about by the wind of impulse, mindlessly responding to every whim and compulsion, which can become destructive. You have the strength of conscious choice and the awareness of both the consequences and the rewards of your choices.

THE PRINCIPLE OF DESIRE

Earlier I mentioned that desire is closely connected to the ethic of Nonstealing. Desire is a natural primitive feeling. The world runs on desire: the desire to live, to mate, to eat, and to protect one’s territory. Every breath you take is an expression of your desire for life. Yogic literature considers the creative cycles of the entire universe to be based upon the attraction — the mutual desire — between male and female principles of consciousness.

What connects desire to stealing is the physical body’s compulsion to fulfill desire at any cost, which means taking from someone else — or yourself. When you are practicing the ethic of Nonstealing, it is important to closely observe your desires and the actions you take to fulfill them. Desire can then become an important tool in reaching your goals.

Desire also has an expansive quality because it promotes change. The physical body uses desire as a whip, because the physical body expects itself to answer all desire; but it can’t do that, and so it often suffers great stress. When desire is given to the spiritual body, however, no effort is involved, and no stress is produced. The spiritual body supplies the answer to all desires effortlessly. All you have to do is remember where the gift came from.

The connection between desire and stealing can be demonstrated in two important areas of life that I also discussed with regard to the ethic of Nonviolence: food and love.

Desire and Food

Eating is a natural, primitive function, and it is always based in desire. We desire food either because our bodies are in need of sustenance or because the food looks and smells very tempting. We usually do not consider where the food comes from or what exactly is responding to our desire.

One of the problems the physical body encounters as it acts to obtain food is that the food must be protected so that no one else will steal it. In common hospitality, food is always offered to visitors; this ancient, primitive custom arose because of the belief that the visitor, having been appeased, will not steal from you.

On the other hand, history also shows that satisfying the guest’s desire for food is a way of putting the guest off guard so that the host can take advantage of the person. When satiation of desire is reached, people become vulnerable. In early Scotland, the prudent way for Highlanders to eat their morning oatmeal was to take a large spoon, dip it in the oatmeal and then in cream, and then walk up and down to eat it, or stand with their back against the wall.

Ethical training advises you to try to observe food — everything, in fact — as divine gifts from your spiritual body. This attitude eliminates the frantic grasping and guarding of the physical body, because you begin to know that food is supplied by your spiritual body, and so you do not have to worry about getting it, keeping it, preserving it, or protecting it. Your physical body will still perform its food-related functions of shopping, cooking, and eating, but you will realize that you are not alone; your spiritual body is also involved. By continually recognizing the participation of your spiritual body in this very basic function of eating, you will eat better and be more nourished, because you have the strength of two bodies to make wise choices.

Desire and Love

Love relationships, like our need for food, are inevitable, a natural fact of life. Yet most relationships are based upon what you can "get" from the other person and what the other person can "get" from you. This type of relationship implies a demand, which is a form of stealing. Some examples are relationships in which one partner demands constant attention from the other; when one partner is always in the role of comforter or nourisher; or when a partner subtly or overtly demands that the other partner change in some way to conform to a fantasy ideal. The other partner in these examples is a victim of stealing: the stealing of time, attention, identity, or strength; they have simply been used as a vehicle to fulfill a fantasy of desire.

Most of us want to give of ourselves to people we love, and it is hard to refuse a needy partner whom we love, but this type of relationship will not last, because no one can give continually without replenishment.

Love, when based in ethical conduct, makes no demands, because each partner’s needs and desires are met internally, through the spiritual body. Whatever they may lack is constantly replenished, from within. This means each can be responsible for his or her own happiness. There is no need to demand comfort, praise, attention, or anything else from the other person.

The relationship becomes a true partnership of two people who love each other as they are, without conditions. Both partners contribute support to keep the relationship strong. In other words, the love relationship does not have to depend on one or the other person, because it draws strength from both parties.

If you can approach nondemanding love through the ethic of Nonstealing, you will experience great peace, because the absence of desire gives you rest, and the participation of your spiritual body constantly and effortlessly renews your participation in the relationship.

THE RESULT OF NONSTEALING

Yogic texts state that the great power gained by mastering the ethic of Nonstealing is that "all luxury will automatically be at your disposal." In other words, by observing the great force of desire, you can make a conscious choice about your behavior. If you can do this, eventually everything you need or want will automatically be supplied to you by your spiritual body.

This is a very unusual way of thinking for us, who have been taught that everything we get is supplied by our own efforts — in other words, physical efforts of the physical body. In practicing the ethic of Nonstealing, you can recognize that it is the spiritual body that is the source for all fulfillment of desire.

When you have mastered the ethic of Nonstealing, you do not have to constantly protect your belongings, because it is impossible for anything to be taken away from you. Rama told me about an experience he had while living in a cave above Rishikesh, a hill station high in the Himalayas above Haridwar. One day he went for food and returned several hours later to find a young man standing stock still, rooted to the floor inside the cave, his arms filled with Rama’s few belongings: a water pot, a small carpet, and several books.

Upon seeing Rama, the man cried out, "Oh, Sir, please release me! I came here to steal, but I have been unable to move these past hours!"

Rama calmly assured the young man that he could have whatever he wanted if it would ease his sorrow, and that he, Rama, was not the one holding him there against his will. (The power of Rama’s achievement in Nonstealing was actually holding the young man there.) Rama then released the man, who was then able to move. He put down what he had attempted to steal, bowed deeply to Rama, and took his leave.

Everything Is a Divine Gift

The power of Nonstealing is based in the remembrance that everything comes from God. Lakshmanjoo said, "Always remember the fact that in practicing such a difficult art as ethical behavior, you are approaching God consciousness. The first thought in your mind upon receiving anything would be ‘This has come from God. God has sent this to me.’ The idea that everything comes from God is a transformation of the laws that surround it."
In other words, everything we have is a divine gift, and we can observe it all with wonder, delight, and astonishment. There is no fear of losing anything. In the same way, if everything is at your disposal, you don’t feel the need to steal from anyone. A great feeling of peacefulness surrounds a person who knows this. If you have everything, you are never in need.

SECRECY AND STEALING

Secrecy is an insidious form of stealing that I sometimes see in people who believe that keeping things hidden is equivalent to behaving ethically because they are not causing upset to others. Secretiveness steals time and attention from others because it forces them to spend a long time figuring out what you are really trying to say and who you really are.

I do not encourage secretive behavior. For those of you great romantics who enjoy secrecy, I suggest your vocabulary is limited. I think you can find ways to be romantic and direct. If your thought is more enjoyable in secret, then keep it there. But be careful not to used this attitude in revenge. Anything worth knowing is worth seeing. Ethical behavior teaches you to be direct and truthful about what you say and do.